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[23 Jun 2005|03:40pm] |
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I got my license
:-D WOOT.
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[27 Apr 2005|08:39pm] |
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Angel- Sarah McLachlan |
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Today a horrible thing happend...the most amazing girl i have ever met in my entire life, Meryl, passed away. When i first heard the news i didnt know what to do with myself....we all didnt know. we all had feelings of anger...of sadness...of pain. Why did this have to happen to her? It really makes you wonder about the so called 'God' up there...why would he take a person so warm, kind, and compassionate off of this earth? we desperately need people like her...and im sure that the rest of Viewpoint and her friends and family can agree.
Im not sure how i should feel...i feel guilty for living because she can't anymore. i feel angry that she cherished life so much...but it was taken away from her. i feel selfish for not going to visit her like we should have. i feel nostalgic and wish that i had gotten to know her better before she got sick. i feel confused...i just dont understand. here's a little taste of her amazing-ness:
I met Meryl on my first day of dance comapny. i had seen her around school, but had never really gotten the chance to get to know her. Those of you who know me, know that i was scared out of my pants to join the dance company...i just didnt think i was good enough. so i showed up, obviously nervous, and who was the first person to talk to me? Meryl.she told me to come sit by her. she told me that she saw that i was nervous and i had nothing to be scared of...she would help me. At that moment, i knew that she was a really sweet girl with so much to offer...you could see it in her eyes...hear it in her voice. It was because of her that i came back that second day...it was because of her that i have made it this far and this much closer to reaching my goal of becoming a real dancer. im just sad i never got to say goodbye...but then again...its never too late.
Meryl,
First and foremost i want to thank you...for everything. i know i never told you this...but you have helped me so much. all my life i dreamed of being onstage dancing with talented people like you, and you helped make that happen. On my first day of company you could see that i was scared, and being the sweet person you are, you offered a helping hand. You have no idea how much that meant to me. Even though we weren't as close as we could have been, you've taught me so many things. Your attitude towards life was amazing. You showed me that being sad is just a waste of time because life is too short. Your strength showed me that i can handle what life throws at me because there are people out there that care and i will get through it. Your motivation to do everything you wanted to taught me that i can do anything i put my mind to. For the rest of my life i will dance with your grace in my mind and your love in my heart. i love you Meryl Staley...stay strong... i always admired you for that. I guess i can see why God wanted you close to him...you were truly an angel on earth. You've touched many people and we will always remember you for your kindness, strength, and belief that you can do anything you want if you put your mind to it. So now its my turn to help you...don't be scared, sweetie. God will take care of you...you deserve only the best.
With all of the love in the universe
Rest In Peace Meryl Staley
Rina Bliss Beyda
..i feel better now.
For all of you that knew Meryl- Im sorry..Im sorry that shes gone and we all have to feel this way...
For all of you that didn't know Meryl- Im sorry...you missed out on knowing the most amazing person i have ever met.
Meryl- Im sorry that it had to end like this. You didn't deserve it. We love you...forever.
In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
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[27 Feb 2005|03:12pm] |
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Dreams- Fleetwood Mac |
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yourkonstantiine: youve always had me poodle...
DrEaMrGrL42: thinking about it was just...an escape for me
yourkonstantiine: you always use guys as your comfort but they leave you....dont you know that?
yourkonstantiine: dont you know they you cant trust them always?
DrEaMrGrL42: I know, its horrible. like if i didnt wanna be where i was i didnt have to be...i could just close my eyes and be with him<>
yourkonstantiine: i know and thats your problem..you just need to take a reality check instead of going into your own little world where every guy is prince charming
yourkonstantiine: im not saying dont have hope, because there are great guys out there...but just you need to get to know the real them
DrEaMrGrL42: but you dint understand. thats the world that keeps me happy and sane
yourkonstantiine: yeah temporarily
DrEaMrGrL42: thats the problem
DrEaMrGrL42: that is my escape
yourkonstantiine: and then it blows up in your face
DrEaMrGrL42: that is how i wake up in the morning
DrEaMrGrL42: thats how i get through the day...that little world
yourkonstantiine: thats what world you were in with sean and nick and they both left you heart broken
DrEaMrGrL42: and when its shattered...my whole world: my happyness, my trust, my love, my hope...its all gone.
yourkonstantiine: poodle...you dont need a whole world...
yourkonstantiine: just be happy with the little things you have
yourkonstantiine: youre going to make it through this one poodle. you always do. okay?
yourkonstantiine: wait no thats not a question its a command.
DrEaMrGrL42: i know ill make it through
DrEaMrGrL42: it just sucks meanwhile
yourkonstantiine: i know but it doesnt have to.
yourkonstantiine: listen try this
DrEaMrGrL42: kk..
yourkonstantiine: my nana taught me that when i was feeling down or depressed it was all dependent on my perpective
yourkonstantiine: so she told me to write down all the things that i love about life
yourkonstantiine: all the blessings in my life
yourkonstantiine: as small as some may be
DrEaMrGrL42: i wish you were here poodle so you could do it with me
yourkonstantiine: and write them all down
yourkonstantiine: on paper. dont just think them
yourkonstantiine: me too...but it will help you i promise
DrEaMrGrL42: ok
yourkonstantiine: dont write down ANYTHING negative
DrEaMrGrL42: #1. poodles…
( My happy list... )
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| wacky weekend |
[20 Feb 2005|03:05pm] |
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rain on a tin roof- julie roberts |
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whoa its been the most RANDOM weekend ever. lets recap:
Friday: just stayed home and chilled until like 10. That was when i decided that i was WAY too bored on a friday night and this could not be tolerated. soooo i got dressed in my little ballet outfit and decided to take pictures. i'll post them at the end. no i don't take classes so dont tell me that my form sucks because i know that =). i was just having fun hehe. so i did that until...mm...2.
Saturday: woke up at like 10 to a phone call from the poodle and we decided that we needed to make french toast for breakfast at her house. So she came and got me at like 11. But, on the way to her house we got a little distracted by Fashion Oaks and decided to take a look...'hey, maybe they'l have some corsets for monte carlo!',we thought. So we made a little pit stop, but guess what's next door?! BEANSCENE OF COURSE and a tripple B and chai tea latte sounded mighty fine =). so we 86'd the french toast and had a little breakfast Oak-Parkian style. We finally ended up at poodles at around 12:30 ish after some weird-asian-clothes-store-owner-ness and yummy cheesy-egg-bagel-stuff. So we went inside and played with the puppies (and nana) a little and then thought 'HEY ruffles is dirty! why dont we give her a wittle bathey poo'. That was fun. Just picture this: water everwhere, poodle half in a bathing suit/have not, a little ball of white fluff, and a blow drier. YEP, that was about how it went. After that little ball of fluff was clean, we decided that we needed to be productive, but there's nothing to do in Oak freaking Park.
Me: "poodle, i want a baby. Maybe it's just because i have my period and my hormones are going nutso, but i realllly really want one."
poodle: "OMG i get like that too! I just pull out all my baby dolls and play with them =)"
Me: "OMG what a good idea! aww...i wish i had a real one though! i used to tell sean that and he'd be like 'but baby, we'll get in trouble!' Lmao ahh good times, good times"
poodle: "*lightbulb* i have the GREATEST IDEA!" let's go to the hospital, sneak into the maternity ward, and look at all the newborn babies!"
Me: "OMG POODLE THATS AMAZING, why didnt i think of that? lets go."
So we got our stuff together and left. But on the way, of course, we got distracted by the mall and decided that we HAD to make just a little stop =). But, while we were shoping, we got a call from BT saying that he could only eat dindin with us if we ate at 4 :-/ . that meant no time for the hospital! So we left the mall, went to pick up Nana, and headed for Moorpark (kraproom backwards, might i point out) where we ate dinner at Wood Ranch with BT and Shirley. They are so freaking adorable..ahh it kills me. Then Nana and poodle dropped me off at home so i could shower and get my stuff to sleep over! so i did that, blah de blah, and ended up back at poodle's at 7. We just sat around for a little while and hung out until yet another bright idea came into our minds. Poodle was sitting on her bed writing a poem for english while i was on the compie looking at livejournals and cute song lyrics when we noticed it was raining cats and DOGS outside. Even though both of us are sick and COUGHING UP LUNGS, we decided we just had to go play in it. But, of course, the second we go outside it stops. So we thought maybe we'd just hang around in the garage and wait for it to start again. BUUUUUUt, we got just a tad distracted *giggle*. Tina (poodle's car) was just sitting there looking so lonely. So, i sat in her and started fiddling and playing around. A couple minutes later, poodle gave into temptation and joined me. I'd say we spent a good 45 minutes in that damn car taking pictures and waiting for the rain that never came. Oh well, we had fun anyways =). When our car-fun-temptation was fully fulfilled we went inside, had some turkey sandwiches, got bundled up in our PJs, and turned sex in the city on in her mommy's ginormous bed =). Soon after, we fell asleep.
Sunday: woke up at 10 and made french toast without any distractions this time. Our longing to be with babies was unquenched, so we decided to go to the hospital and stop at Val Surf on the way. The hospital was such a great experience. i know all you people are like 'wtf those girls are so weird' but seriously, come on. i'd never been in a hospital before so i was thankful to be going with poodle for my first time and for no reason at all. After parking at the very top, almost walking into the ER, and lying to the girl as to why we were there, we ended up at the nursery. There were two babies there; one boy and one girl. They were the most beautiful things i have ever seen. It's so amazing to look into the eyes of something so pure and untouched. It doesnt know what kind of place the world is... It's never been lied to or hurt; never been heartbroken, or lost somebody it loved with all its heart. It doesnt know sadness or lonelyness. It doesn't see war or people killing others. It doesn't know what its like to have trusted someone with your life and have that shattered in a matter of minutes...it doesn't know anything. Some say thats the ideal way to be; naiive, dependent on others, and ignorant so you don't see all the ugly in the world...but without the ugly there's no beauty, so is it really worth it? That's definitely something to ponder.....After that refreshing experience we had lunch and poodle dropped me off at home =). So that's my weekend so far. I'll just leave you with some pics and quotes:
( CAUTION: never leave the poodles alone. )
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| Valentine's Day </3 |
[14 Feb 2005|08:51pm] |
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Walk Away- Ben Harper |
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ughh i hate Valentine's Day. Today was supposed to be really special...but that all went down the drain like a week ago.
in case any of you didn't catch that: yes, we broke up so stop asking. i hope all of those people that were against us are happy...they finally got what they wanted...I guess its just been a shitty couple of weeks. everybody keeps telling me that things'll be ok soon. i just hate that the things i love get taken away one by one. They promise not to go, but they always end up leaving. I guess thats just life...promises are always broken and i guess i should've learned that by now, but i've always believed in trusting people unless i have a reason not to and im defnitely a sucker for second chances. I always think i see something in people, but it ends up being an act. its ok, with every experience is a lesson learned. my lesson learned: DON'T DATE GOLFERS ANYMORE. Haha just kidding.. =) whattt? gotta have a little humor in here or ill go nuts. People used to say that they loved how i was so happy all the time, no matter how hard things got. I'm not that person anymore and i want her back, so im going to try my best.
I went to bed at 11:30 last night but couldnt fall asleep for the life of me. My mind started racing and I opened my eyes to the first tear running down my cheek and looked over at the clock. It was 12:00, February 14. Not a very good way to start an already-anticipated-to-be-difficult day.
Anyways, my Valentine's day could've been worse i guess. We had a really awesome assembly. This surfer guy, Jesse, came to our school to talk about how he'd become paralyzed and all his dreams were shattered. But, going through it made him realize that he's really lucky to have what he has and life is precious and short and shouldnt be wasted. so i guess that was kinda reassuring/depressing./inspiring.
Since i had nobody to show me their love, i showed it to myself.
( Sometimes you just have to walk away... </3 )
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| saturday night |
[08 Feb 2005|10:33pm] |
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The difference- matchbox twenty |
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Here are the pics from saturday night with the gurlies =). Thank God i was with them... i woulda been a mess. i <3 you guys
( My eyes are blue when i cry </3 )
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[06 Feb 2005|04:26pm] |
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True- Ryan Cabrera |
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Fine, you win.
17 </3>
29 </3>
14 </3>
It's over
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| LONG PICTURE POST! |
[04 Feb 2005|09:33pm] |
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Rain on a tin roof- julie roberts |
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NEW LAYOUT! I'm getting better and better at this..I havn't updated in forever, and i got a digital camera for X-mas from my aunty myra so i figured, "hey, lets just document my life and post it on livejournal!" genius, i know =) enjoy...
( Random-ness before finals )
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[30 Jan 2005|10:58am] |
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Mr. koetke's happy happy *pause* birthday song |
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY YANA!
we all love you =) <33
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| new layout |
[11 Jan 2005|08:02pm] |
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no end in sight- katrina elam |
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I HAVN'T HAD SCHOOL FOR THE PAST 4 DAYS! ahh don't you just love it?
I <3 Rain
and...
I <3 kisses
those are the two things i've decided on today.
Anyways, i re-did my layout..again. comment telling me what you think =)
xox
How high is the sky?
How long is time?
With you is how I'm spendin' mine.
Like there is no end in sight.
I wanna laugh, I wanna live.
I'm gonna love you like there is,
Like there is no end in sight.
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[15 Dec 2004|06:52pm] |
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if i aint got you- alicia keys |
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hehe thats definitely true =). my first day of dance company was today...i survived! It was fun, but painful. i think im gunna stick with it. it makes me feel like a real dancer..
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[15 Nov 2004|10:22pm] |
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FRIENDS ONLY
you can blame Raquel and her friends for this one. Try and read up on me now bitches.
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[28 Oct 2004|07:55pm] |
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one of these days- michelle branch |
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wow. soo much has happened since i last updated..too much. lets just start from the beginning. after that horrible weekend, i found out on monday that my new baby puppy got sick and i just found out today that he died.
RIP toby - - i love you always and forever. </3
so that sucked. and im like failing alg 2. ugh, whatever. i forgot what i promised mandy i would post from lunch today. MANDY COMMENT AND TELL ME WHAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO SAY! i forgotted =( oopies.
ill post pics of homecoming and other stuff laters. i have some cute ones. OAK PARK HOMECOMING SATURDAY! woooooot go eagles.
2 days till halloween. ugh, i hate halloween.
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| SCREW IT ALL. |
[17 Oct 2004|06:04pm] |
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selfish- NSYNC |
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hi guys.
please gimmie all of your sns or IM me cause for some random reason my buddy list deleted itself. thanks.... DrEaMrGrL42
its a conspiracy. i swear. this has been the worst weekend.
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| "he's my first mistake.." |
[01 Oct 2004|11:19pm] |
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white houses- vanessa carlton |
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wow. i havn't updated in a while.
well, ive been moving (hehe yay!) so ive been really busy with that and all the make-up work i had to do from being sick. oy...im glad thats all over. im in my new house now and im feeling much better =). TOMORROW IS HOMECOMING. YES.
anyways, today:
had an okay day at school...whatever. came home and rushed like a mo to get ready to go hang out with hollie and the crew. then, i hung out with them for a while. limo ride, din din, and then the grove. But i had to leave early cuz its poodles sweet 16 tonight. TURNS OUT that poodle was at the game and didnt get home in time to meet me at her hosue and my dad didnt feel like waiting so now im stuck at home doing nothing. out of the three options i had tonight, i only did one, and i did it half ass cuz i had to leave early. this sucks. i wanted to go to the homecoming game so bad and didnt even get to go to that or poodles thing. UGH im so pissed off. i hope tomorrow night is better...but somethings telling me things aren't going to turn out the way i want them to. whatever, me, yan yan, mel, and kylie are going to salsa our asses off. OWWW OWW! lmao. ok, i need some humor before i die.
</3 g'nite
lyrics:
Maybe I'm a little bit over my head
I come undone at the things he said
And he's so funny in his bright red shirt
We were all in love and we all got hurt
I sneak into his car's black leather seat
The smell of gasoline in the summer heat
Boy, we're going way too fast
It's all too sweet to last
It's alright
And I put myself in his hands
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses
Love, or something ignites in my veins
And I pray it never fades in white houses
My first time, hard to explain
Rush of blood, oh, and a little bit of pain
On a cloudy day, it's more common than you think
He's my first mistake
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| blehh |
[22 Sep 2004|05:35pm] |
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she will be loved- maroon 5 |
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wow. did anyone else notice that the update thing is different? that's cool. Anyways, hey everyone!! I MISS YOU GUYS SO MUCH. AHH I WANT TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL! i feel like shit and i missed a history test today and i can't think well enough to study for my math test tomorrow, so im bascially screwed. i really really really wanna go tomorrow, but my daddy might not let me. i havn't missed a day of school for being sick since fourth grade, and of course, i miss two really important days. i thought i could survive school today, but my daddy said i couldnt go AND he made me come home yesterday. i was so mad. But i did have a 101.1 temp so if i had waited any longer it might have gotten really bad.
i miss everyone
i wanna go back to school
i guess i've had a lot of time to think about random things, considering i couldnt think about history or math or i would have a nervous breakdown. Anyways,
maybe the world does revolve around love.
i duno, just a theory. Then again i am sick...and quite delirious...
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| hottttttt |
[17 Sep 2004|05:01pm] |
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workin' in out- usher |
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| raaaaaaaaandom. |
[12 Sep 2004|01:02pm] |
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rachel lampa- when you believe |
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MY LAYOUT! ITS BACK! hoooooooot. It's a new one and it took me literally 6 hours to make so you better appreciate it. The song that is on the BG is amazing. GO ASHLEE SIMPSON. btw, thanks blaine for fixing my lj! =). mwah. it hink im going to make a new icon now..
so im procrastinating. i dont wanna do my chem homework anymore, im sick of it. but i still have to find out who killed the king. lmao..history, what a funny subject.
anyways, im now taking lysine pills. "clear, healthy lips and mouth tissue" is what the bottle says. UH HOT. but these things are huge. im beginning to think that there is one lodged in my throat. ::wheeze/cough/faint on floor due to lack of air::
my hair is deep conditioning...woo. and im sitting here in sweats. thats definitely a new look for me. i kinda like it :-P giggle.
ok wow, i really have nothing to say. i think i need some sleep. hehe, bye bye.
LOOK AT MY HOROSCOPE! its so accurate..thats kinda scary.
No matter what the day brings -- and it may be a challenging one -- by tonight, a solid, grounded feeling will take over every situation, restoring your self-confidence and assuring you that all really is well in your world.
i sure hope that happens tonight. i seriously need it. and this is my extended horoscope:
The ball bounces into your court, and you swat it back with timing, precision and plenty of spin. You are so at the top of your game that you can stay a good five moves ahead of the competition. If love, money, your social life or your family life is getting you down at the moment, all you really need to do is will yourself into a more positive space. If you ask, you shall receive. Knock, and the door will swing wide open.
mk you know what... when i ask i never recieve so thats bull. AND IM KNOCKING AND THE DOOR IS FREAKING CLOSED ON MY FACE. hmm...maybe this doesnt take effect till tonight =).
lyrics:
Everybody said
That I was a fool to think
That we'd connect
But I couldn't get my heart out of my head
But they just didn't see
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| OHH no. |
[10 Sep 2004|10:08pm] |
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poodle rambling on the phone. |
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THIS HAS TO BE THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE.IM DYING ON THE FLOOR WHILE IM TALKING TO POODLE WHO HAPPENS TO BE CONSTIPATED AND ON THE TOILET THINKING ABOUT HOW SHES GOING TO NAME HER CAR NORA OR TINA OR SOMETHING TO THAT EFFECT. ok let's recap:
part 1 of my amazing day:
-----------> i wake up late this morning for picture day so my hair looked like a bird's nest and i ran around my house looking like a headless chicken.
part 2:
-----------> i get to school and run 18 miles to homeroom, you know the usual. then of course, because the school likes to make my life a living hell, MY HOMEROOM IS IN THE MIDDLE SCHOOL SO I HAVE TO RUN 800 MILES FROM THERE TO CHEM HONORS ONLY TO FIND THAT IM THE LAST PERSON THERE AND AM STUCK SITTING AT A LAB TABLE. AFTER SITTING THERE FOR AN HOUR MY BUTT STARTED ACHING AND I DECIDED...SHIT THIS SUCKS.
part 3:
----------> then i take a horrible ugly picture.
part 4:
----------> off to english i went to find out i got an 85 on my summer reading quiz. ugh.
part 5:
----------> then i went to math where i was thoroughly confused by my crazy teacher failing to exlain WHAT THE HELL OPERATION SQAURE IS. WTF? THIS ISNT SOME TOP SECRET CODE, ITS A FREAKING MATH PROBLEM. and of course, i walk out of that classroom with no other knowledge other than that i am oficially AN ICE CUBE. CAUSE, YOU KNOW, OF COURSE I SIT DIRECTLY UNDER THE AIR VENT.
part 6:
----------> then i had lunch and frees for the rest of the day and nothing interesting happened during that time. except i hear theres a new piece of ass on campus. this should be interesting...
part 7:
----------> then i came home and my dad wouldnt let me go to the football game cuz im "sick" FROM MY STUPID SISTER WHO HAD TO KISS HER STUPID BOYFRIEND.
part 8:
----------> you didn't think it could get any worse did ya? WELL IT DID. so i spent like 18000 hours on this new background for LJ and im so proud of it. so i go to re do my layout to find THAT LJ IS SCREWED UP AND MY LAST HOPE OF CONNECTIONS TO THE OUTSIDE WORLD HAS NOW PLUMMETED TO HELL. go ahead, take a look, ALL IT IS IS BLACKNESS. i swear...i didnt do it.
so now im tired and i think im going to go take IB profen to HOPEFULLY STOP MY UTERUS FROM EXPLODING. holy freaking crap. and after all this time writing, poodle is still pooing. that caaaaaaaaaaaaaan't be good....
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| New York PICS! |
[07 Sep 2004|07:47pm] |
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goodbye love- RENT |
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yay i finally have time to post the NY pics. But first, my first day of school.
started out ok..my mom woke me up late this morning and my dad didnt wanna leave early so i ended up ALMSOT being late and running around like a headless chicken trying to find my homeroom embedded somewhere in the middle school. holy crap. anyways, then, i had english which went ok..Dr. Ross seems nice but i think she'll be tough. then i had algebra 2 honors. im so far beyond screwed in that class..koetke is gunna murder me. then i had free, then lunch, then another free, then dance. dance freaking killed me. i havnt danced all summer so i am totally out of shape. i walked out of that class with my legs shaking because i had stretched so hard. holy shizzit, s now im tired as a mo and i hope i dont have an algebra quiz tomorrow or im fu*ked. so anyways, now im sick with a cold cuz my sister HAD to kiss her boyfriend while he was sick and then get me sick. id say i got the shitty end of the deal here....i got sick and didnt even get to kiss anyone =(. poop. mk, here are the pics.
lyrics:
just came to say--
( - Goodbye Love - )
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